Steve MacPherson over at Hardwood Paroxysm has a fun article out today about the best all-time teams that share a first name. And I admit, first I was thinking Charles and Micheal were both pretty competitive, and although I think he's obviously clinically insane to have Marc Gasol starting and Marcus Camby on the bench for team Mark (wait, WHAT?), I will say that it is pretty remarkable how good team Kevin is:

PG: Kevin Johnson
SG: Kevin Martin
SF: Kevin Durant
PF: Kevin Garnett
C: Kevin Willis
Bench: Kevin Love, Kevin McHale, Kevin Duckworth, Kevin Porter

First of all, don’t sneeze at Kevin Willis. The man is ninth on the all-time double-double list ahead of Dikembe Mutombo with 480.

Although I have to add, who are the fools who are supposedly sneezing at Kevin Willis? Willis was a machine.  Nobody is sneezing or sniffling or otherwise getting snarky about Kevin Willis.  I call strawman!

Anyway, when I read this, I tried to see if the author missed any.  I mean, team "E(a)rvin" is pretty good, Because you get both Johnsons and how bad can any team with Magic and a competent center ever be? I mean, it's MAGIC. And of course, Team Charles is going to have a pretty undersized front-court with Barkely and Oakley, but hey, have fun on the defensive glass against these guys!

And then I got to thinking about last names instead, but it turns out that Team Johnson would destroy all comers in a landslide with Earvin, Larry, Irvin, Kevin, Ollie, and Eddie, and Amir and Joe off the bench.  Not enough Jordans or Jameses to keep up, and the Smiths don't have a superstar. Only Anderson comes close, and that's if you let Anderson Varajeo play:

Team Johnson:

PG: Magic

SG: Ollie

SF: Eddie

PF: Larry

C: Ervin

Bench: Kevin, Amir, Joe, John

As good as team Kevin is, I think Team Johnson is better.  Ervin wasn't a scorer but he was a great shot-blocker and rebounder, and set some mean picks. Larry, before his knees went, was a Barkleyesque beast. Eddie was a perenial all-defensive-team member, which is handy when you are playing against Kevin Durant, and an efficient scorer. Ollie was a super-efficient scorer and great rebounding two-guard. And then, oh yeah holy shit this team has Magic. You could even put Magic at PF or C so that Kevin gets more playing time.

But last names aren't good because it's hard to get five of them except for common names. So this got me to thinking: if you could pick any name, and every player had to have that name, but first or last was irrelevant, would Kevin still be the best? Is it better than Johnson? At first, I thought I was on to something, maybe there was a team out there that could beat team Johnson. 

On a whim, I tried Team Malone.

PG: Matt Maloney

SG: Jeff Malone

SF: Sadly, we don't have an SF.

PF: Karl Malone

C: Moses Malone

I mean...if we could just find one...more....scrub...with the name Malone, this team could win it all.  Moses AND Karl, with two not-incompetent guards? Definitely a contender. But hard to win 4-on-5.

So, starting with guys in the bets-of-all-time argument can't be a bad, so what about Team Lawrence?

PG: Larry Brown

SG: Larry Miller

SF: Larry Bird

PF: Larry Johnson

C: Larry Nance

This is not a bad team at all (Larry Brown averaged 8.1 assists per 36. That's the average per48 nowadays!). But it's hard to see this team beating team Kevin -- the bigs are good but they aren't Kevin Garnett/Kevin Love good. And the Johnsons are worse (even if Larry plays with us) because watching the 5'9" Larry Brown guarding the 6'9" Magic would look a lot like a Washington Generals game. So, I tried Team Michael for a spin to see if MacPherson overlooked anything:

PG: Micheal Ray Richardson

SG: Michael Jordan

SF: Mike Dunleavy

PF: Michael Bradley

C: Michael Doleac

Bench: Mike Miller, Michael Finley, Michael Redd, Mike Bibby

This is also a good team but, unfortunately, it has the opposite problem of Team Larry: all of it's great players are wings.  And that kind of sucks because when you already have the greatest guard of all time on your team, you'd really like the other good players not to play guard. In particular there just haven't been any good big Michaels, and I was disappointed that there were no Michaelsons or players with last name Michaels to pick from.

Since the best player in the NBA right now is a James, I thought I'd give Team James a try:

PG: James McElroy

SG: James Harden

SF: LeBron James

PF: James Worthy

C: James Edwards

Bench: Jim Paxson, Jim Petersen, Mike James

And? Well, pretty good actually. Hall of Fame forwards? Check. Rings? Check. MVP player? Check. You could also make LeBron play PF and put Worthy at SF, since LeBron is the much better rebounder and a bigger defender. Center is a bit weak but definitely not "Michael" weak (seriously, Olowokandi almost made that team!). Quick aside on James Harden:

Raw Stats
	Min	WP48	Wins	PTS	DRB	ORB	REB	AST	TO	BLK	STL	PF
Wade	1511	.249	7.8	32.2	4.8	2.2	7.0	6.7	3.8	1.9	2.4	3.2
Harden	1805	.256	9.6	25.3	5.4	0.8	6.2	5.7	3.4	0.4	1.4	3.7
Average SG	1149	.099	2.4	20.3	4.4	1.1	5.5	4.2	2.7	0.4	1.5	3.1

 

Shooting Efficiency
	FG%	2FG%	3FG%	FT%	eFG%	TS%	FGA	3FGA	PPS	FTA
Wade	49.7%	51.4%	27.8%	79.0%	50.7%	56.0%	24.8	1.7	1.30	8.9
Harden	49.1%	57.4%	39.3%	83.7%	58.1%	65.8%	15.2	7.0	1.66	9.1
Average SG	42.8%	46.3%	35.6%	79.7%	48.6%	52.7%	17.4	5.7	1.17	4.2

I bet that surprises you, huh? Wade is a very efficient scorer. Harden is blowing him out of the water this year due to his 3-point shooting. But Harden is no one-trick pony -- note his absolutely monstrous ability to get to the line: more FTAs than Wade on only 15 FGAs per 48. Harden might be the best non-point guard in the NBA in the pick-and-roll, he's absolutely deadly when he gets a screen from Ibaka or Collison.

Then, insight hit me. When I was building Team Michael I was looking for guys named Michaels or Michaelson. And if Michaelson would count, then I should be able to do this...

Team Robert

PG: Bob Cousy

SG: Oscar Robertson (Muahahahahaha)

SF: Robert "Big Shot Bob" Horry

PF: Bob McAdoo

C: Robert Parish

Bench: Bob Lanier, Bobby Jackson, Robert "Tractor" Traylor

Oh yeah. Now we're talking.  You know your team is good when Bob Lanier is on the bench. My SG is the only SG in history where if I say "he's as good as Jordan," I don't get instantly laughed out of the bar. And if you like the rings argument, I mean, the Bob's have got rings coming out of their ears.

But hey, as long as we're going to be flexible about names (and really, who's going to call me out for cheating here?) then I've finally found a team to compete with team Kevin and Team Johnson.  Ladies and gentleman, I present to you:

Team William:

PG: Deron Williams

SG: Bill "Dollar Bill" Bradley

SF: Jerome Williams

PF: Bill Walton

C: Bill Russell

Bench: Bill Lambier, Jason Williams, John "Hot Rod" Williams, Herb Williams, Billy Owens

Yes, we have Bill Walton and Bill Freaking Russell on the same team.  Unless you have found 4 guys named Wilt to play with the Stilt, please, don't even bother trying to get points in the paint against team Bill. Rebounds? Bill's got yer rebounds (check out Jerome's numbers). Did you know that Bill Russell averaged 19 rebounds per 36 minutes? No player in the NBA averages that much per 48 minutes nowadays. And it is a shame they didn't keep track of blocks in those days because I bet Russell averaged like 7 a game. If it's any less, it's just because players not named Wilt just gave up on driving to the hoop against Bill.

And Walton was a beast. He was never the same after breaking his foot in 1978, but before that he was a rebounding machine who was highly efficient. Round it out with all-star PG and SG players, and an efficient SF who rebounds well, and this team can hold it's own with anybody!

Any good names I missed? Any players I missed on some of these teams?

Oh, and just for kicks:

Team Lou:

PG: Louis Williams

SG: Reggie Lewis

SF: Rashard Lewis (once upon a time he was above average, I swear)

PF: Kenneth Bernard Faried Lewis (muahahaha again!)

C: Lewis Alcindor