In picking my all stars, I set myself some conditions.

• First, only players with 500 minutes or more can play (Sorry, Hassan Whiteside!).
• Second, I'll pick 5 Starters and 7 reserves. Because I think the NBA's system is stupid, though, my "positions" are 1 point guard, 2 Wings, and 2 Big Men
• Among the 7 reserves, I will pick 1 point guard, 2 Wings, 2 Big Men. The two other spots can be anybody I want.

The West Starters

Stephen Curry, PG: When I first sat down to write this, out of pure habit, I already had Chris Paul pencilled in. And it's true, Paul is having another MVP-caliber season. But this year, Curry is even better. The player that Curry reminds me of most is Steve Nash in his prime; he's a deadly shooter, and he uses this to create great opportunities for his teammates. He looks for his own shot a bit more than Nash ever did, but this isn't a bad thing. The thing about Curry that is so impressive is not his accuracy, as there have been lots of sharpshooters before (including his current Coach). What's impressive is that he combines this accuracy with an uncanny speed of release -- He doesn't need very much time or space to get his shot off, and doesn't seem to lose much accuracy under pressure.

James Harden, WING: You may hate watching him eurostep his way to the free throw line, but he's a genius at squeezing through tight spaces to get to the basket or the line. And this is not a new part of his repetoire: in his last year with the thunder, he averaged 9 FTA/48 versus 15.5 FGA/48, an incredible ratio. But this year, he's also averaging career highs in dimes (9/48), steals (2.6), blocks (1.1), and rebounds (7.4), all categories in which he was already above average. In short, he's having an MVP-caliber season, so even though he isn't the sexiest guy to watch (unless you are into facial hair), he deserves this.

Kevin Durant, WING: Fun fact: Harrison Barnes or Draymond Green (depending on arguments about how much SF vs. PF each plays) lead the west at total wins produced at the small forward spot. But let's be frank, that's only because Durant missed a lot of time. His True Shooting is actually UP from last year, when he produced the best shooting season since Adrien Dantley.

Anthony Davis, BIG MAN: Since blocks became a recorded stat in 1974, the list of guys with at least 10 rebounds, 2.5 blocks, and 60% true shooting on at least 15 attempts per 36 minutes is: Shaq (once), Kareem (three times that we know of), and David Robinson (twice). That's it. We can assume that Wilt did it too, and Kareem a few more times, but Bill Russell never did, nor did Ewing, Olajuwon, Bill Walton, Moses Malone, Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, Robert Parish, Artis Gilmore....you get the drift. When you are 21 years old (!!) and doing shit that several dozen hall of fame big men never accomplished, you're a no-brainer MVP candidate.

Tyson Chandler, BIG MAN: This could just as easily have been DeAndre Jordan. I'm giving Tyson the edge because I believe his impact on Dallas is more important than Jordan's is on L.A. This is highly subjective. That's my tiebreaker.

West Reserves:

Chris Paul, PG Does this require an explanation?

Damian Lillard, PG It was a tough choice between Dame and several other candidates, and in the end I went with Ye Olde "Player on a Winning Team" heuristic.

Klay Thompson, WING As Dre said, if a guy is having a very good year, and then also has the single best game of the year on top of that, it's probably enough to earn you an all-star spot

Kawhi Leonard, WING If we're letting Durant start despite only having 700ish minutes, we must include Leonard. Especially when you consider how much better San Antonio plays when Leonard is healthy.

Draymond Green, WING? BIG MAN? Golden State sometimes makes it really hard to tell what position Green (or Barnes) is playing. Either way, Green is having a standout season and deserves some recognition for it.

DeAndre Jordan, BIG MAN I'm honestly baffled by the average fan's lack of respect for Jordan. He is the league's third-best rebounder (more tears for Hassan), a great shot-blocker, and is just as good at Tyson Chandler at cutting to the rim. This seems like a recipe for winning, and incidentally, the alley-oops are good for the all-star game.

Rudy Gobert, BIG MAN: Fun fact, Gobert is averaging more blocks than fouls. That's another list that is full of hall of famers. This is another guy who isn't the flashiest, but he's having an amazing season.

The East Starters:

LeBron James, PG: Don't tell me that LeBron doesn't play point guard. I've watched a lot of Cavs games this year where he was definitely playing point guard. And frankly, if putting LeBron at point guard is the only way I can get Kyle Korver in my starting five, then LeBron will play point guard, and he'll like it.

Jimmy Butler, WING: Butler has long been one of our favorites, but it seems like the days when he's underrated are long gone. It's also no longer all that controversial for me to call him one of the league's best wing players.

Kyle Korver, WING: This guy is a huge factor behind Atlanta's success. It's true, Al Horford finally looks like his old self and is a true powerhouse lately, but Korver is on track for a 50/50/90 season. That has never been done. Let that sink in a bit. And further consider that he's doing this in a year where every defense he plays against is rigged against him. Ask any assistant coach in the league how they prepare to play defense against Atlanta, and they'll all tell you that any possession that ends in a Korver shot attempt is a bad defensive possession for them.

Pau Gasol: BIG MAN: I bet against this. No matter how much D'antoni and Brown misused Pau, it didn't seem like smart money to predict that the 34 year old who's been...MEH...for two years would start playing like the 28-year old who won NBA titles. But Gasol is defying age right now. He is setting career highs in rebounds and blocks, has his lowest foul rate ever, and is not far off his career best in turnovers either. I stand corrected, and he deserves to start the all-star game.

Al Horford, BIG MAN:  Like Drummond, Horford had a pretty miserable November. But November was a long time ago and that Pectoral muscle looks like it's back to normal. Since December 1st, Al Horford's per48 averages are: 5.6 points over par, 58% true shooting, 5.7 AST, 11.4 REB, 2.2 BLK, and, staggeringly, only 2.4 PF and 1.8 TOs. The split for January only is even more ridiculous: 7.6 PoP, 61% TS, 6.5 AST, 12 REB, 2 BLK, 1.5 STL, 2.4 PF, 1.7 TOs. In short, if December had not happened, we'd be talking about MVP votes, not all-star credentials.

East Reserves

John Wall, PG Wall is finally living up to his hype. He's setting career highs in shooting (53.5 TS%), assists (13.6/48), and steals (2.7/48) and is in a virtual tie with Rondo for the league lead in assists. He's not the starter because of #LeBronKorverReasons, so I hope he's not mad or anything.

Jeff Teague, PG Teague is having a career year on a team that's won 80% of their games. He's not a great rebounder, but makes up for it with great shooting and solid defense.

Kyle Lowry, PG It was a travesty that he was left off of last year's squad. To be honest, he wouldn't stand a chance in the West, where you can find a dozen worthy candidates who were left off the list, but in the East, you've got to make room for him.

Giannis Antetokounmpo, WING (FREAK) Basketball reasons:

Jared Dudley, WING: Not many would have predicted that Dudley would have his best season ever, but I feel fairly confident that foreseeing a bounce-back season wasn't too difficult, unless your first name was "Doc". If Dudley were a stock, Rivers would be the amateur investor who bought high and then sold low after one disappointing quarterly earnings report, even though the company financials still look solid.

Andre Drummond: BIG MAN: Ok. I get that Drummond did not have a good November (or big chunk of December). A big part of this was that Stan Van Gundy threw him into post-up after post-up after post-up, and creating offense with his back to the basket is not something that Drummond has a lot of skills for. But despite this, Drummond is a huge force. He leads the league in rebounding, including a Rodman-esque 8.1 offensive rebounds a game. If defense and rebounding got Dennis Rodman two all-star berths, why isn't Drummond an all-star?

Jonas Valancunas, BIG MAN The list of big men is a lot thinner in the east than in the west, and, again, I can't pick Hassan Whiteside (sigh). Nevertheless, J.V. is realizing his potential and is a big reason the Raptors are one of the few contenders in the East. He's combining great rebounding and great shooting efficiency and giving Toronto just the sort of big man play a team needs to win playoff games.